129. Boundary Mistakes: 4 Common Pitfalls
Have you ever found yourself feeling exhausted, resentful, or frustrated with clients, contractors, or even team members? If so, you're likely experiencing the consequences of ineffective boundaries in your interior design business. I see this pattern repeatedly with designers who come to me for coaching—they know they need to set boundaries but struggle with how to establish and maintain them effectively.
Boundaries are essential tools that protect your time, energy, and profit as a business owner. They establish clear expectations about what is acceptable and unacceptable in your professional relationships. Without intentional boundaries, it's incredibly easy to slip into over-functioning mode, becoming overextended and ultimately burning out.
In this episode, I'm breaking down the four most common boundary-setting mistakes I see interior designers make. By understanding what not to do, you'll gain clarity on how to confidently establish and uphold boundaries that support both you and your business relationships. These insights will help you create a more sustainable business model that allows you to show up at your best while still maintaining healthy professional relationships.
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What You’ll Discover from this Episode:
How waiting too long to set boundaries leads to established relationship dynamics that are difficult to change.
Why commitment to follow-through is essential for effective boundary setting and enforcement.
The critical difference between setting boundaries and trying to control others' behavior.
How over-explaining or apologizing for your boundaries undermines their effectiveness.
The simple boundary-setting formula that creates clear expectations in any professional relationship.
Why setting boundaries early prevents resentment and frustration from building up over time.
How effective boundaries can increase productivity, strengthen relationships, and prevent burnout in your design business.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hey designer, you're listening to Episode 129. In this one, we're gonna dive into the very important topic of setting boundaries as an interior design business owner. More specifically, what mistakes I commonly see designers making that lead to ineffective and frustrating outcomes in their relationships with clients, staff, and other project partners. By walking you through what isn't working or what not to do, you'll learn how to confidently set and uphold business boundaries to protect your time, energy, and profit.
Welcome to The Interior Design Business CEO, the only show for designers who are ready to confidently run and grow their businesses without the stress and anxiety. If you're ready to develop a bigger vision for your interior design business, free up your time, and streamline your days for productivity and profit, you're in the right place.
I'm Desi Creswell, an award-winning interior designer and certified life and business coach. I help interior designers just like you stop feeling overwhelmed so they can build profitable businesses they love to run. Are you ready to confidently lead your business, clients, and projects? Let's go.
Hello, designer, welcome back to the podcast. I hope you are all doing well. It's been a while since I sat down to record an episode for you. I'm just getting back from a two-week spring break, and it was wonderful. We went to Puerto Rico and had a great mix of adventure going into El Yunque National Forest. My son got to try scuba diving for the first time, and then we did a lot of time at the beach and poo,l and also some exploring of the old San Juan area with all of the beautiful colored buildings.
And let me tell you, I'm so grateful to past me for giving myself runway. This is something I talk a lot about with my clients in terms of being able to take time away from your business and how to set yourself up for both leaving the business and then also returning to it. And if you want to hear me talk more about this, go back to episode 20 of the podcast. I think it's just called “How to Take Time Off from Your Interior Design Business,” and I talk a little bit more about this.
But I'll be honest, I'm kind of dragging. After that extended break, it feels like, all right, we got to get the engine churning again. And I'm really glad that I don't have any meetings scheduled. I know I wanted to record this podcast, do some planning for this quarter, and it's a pretty easy day for me. And I'm grateful that that is how I plan things so that I'm not expecting myself to go from zero to 100. And that is definitely needed today.
Usually I have some half-caf coffee in the morning, and I had that, and it did nothing for me. So right now we are fueling up on a cup of regular coffee, and I'm really excited to dive into this topic of boundaries with you.
What I realized was I was working on my keynote talk for the Midwest Design Retreat. And if you're interested in attending that, it's the beginning of May, head over to https://desicreswell.com/resources, and I've got a link to that there. It's a three-day in-person event where we can work together.
And I was working on one of the resources that attendees are going to receive when they join us to support the talks that we're all giving here. And I realized I have never done an episode specifically on boundaries. And I thought, how is that possible? I have an entire module on setting boundaries and saying no in my group program, Out Of Overwhelm. It's something I coach on all of the time. And yet somehow I have never brought this to the podcast.
So here we are today, because I'm guessing at some point you've heard yourself say or think, “I need to set some boundaries.” And maybe you've tried to communicate some of these decisions you've made, but they haven't worked in the way that you've wanted. Or, you know, maybe it's still one of those things that you know you need to do, but you haven't mustered up the courage to do it yet.
So in either instance, this episode is going to be perfect for you to listen to because I really want you to be equipped to effectively and confidently communicate your boundaries in your interior design business. It is, like I said, something that comes up so often in coaching, and that's because lack of boundaries or having these very blurry lines of what's acceptable and what's not acceptable quickly leads to scenarios where designers are feeling really exhausted, not trusting themselves or the decisions they wanna make about how they wanna operate the business.
Maybe they're feeling guilty or anxious in a relational dynamic or when they're not working. And often there's this feeling of irritability and often resentment, and typically it's going to come back to this idea of boundaries. Boundaries are what help give you the time, energy, and financial resources to show up at your very best, not just for you and your own needs, which, of course, super important, but for others as well.
And without intentionally giving some dedicated thought to what boundaries you want to establish and how you're going to communicate those boundaries, it's really easy to go into over-functioning mode and become overextended. And I've seen this happen, not just with clients, I feel like often we're talking about boundaries with our design clients, but it definitely happens with contractors and other trade partners and with your staff, and even with your family around when you're working and when you're available to them.
So this is a widespread issue, and establishing these clear boundaries is really critical if you want to build that creatively fulfilling business, one that supports you financially from a time perspective and gives you that space and presence in your life when you're not working.
Now, with all that being said, it can be tricky to set these effective boundaries for a variety of reasons. And that's why today we're going to talk about the four most common mistakes I see designers make when it comes to deciding what boundaries they want to set, actually setting those limits, and then upholding the boundaries in action. And through sharing these mistakes, I'm going to be talking about, of course, what not to do, but that will be the perfect lens in which we explore what to do instead. So that these borders or limits you establish are really supportive of you as the business owner, and also of others who are impacted by these decisions.
Before we talk about the mistakes, I wanna quickly just make sure we're all on the same page when we talk about what is a boundary and what does it mean to set a boundary. Really, boundaries establish clear expectations, rules, and limits regarding the behavior, the communication, and relational dynamic. They are about setting limits on what is acceptable and unacceptable according to you.
Setting a boundary is quite simple in practice. There's a formula I teach my clients, and I'll give it to you here. It goes like this: “If you…” and then you fill in the blank, “then I will…” fill in the blank. Right? If the other person does something, says something, shows up in some way, then you as the business owner will respond to that in some way. That's it. Like I said, it's simple. So we're not gonna spend much time on that. It's all the stuff that's circling around this simple formula where we start to see mishaps and issues and frustration because things are not panning out the way you want it.
So with that, let's dive into the boundary mistakes and what to do instead. Mistake number one is that you're simply waiting too long to set the boundary.
This will often look like waiting and hoping the boundary doesn't need to be established. The issue with this is that when you delay the setting of the boundary, the relationship dynamic becomes established. Once that dynamic is established, it can be a lot trickier to change and course correct. That's not to say that it can't be, it definitely can. There's always a moment to reset, but it's a lot easier if you just do it at the get-go.
What I see happen is that in the delay of setting of the boundary, your own needs are going ignored for an extended period of time. And with that, then I start to see the resentment building. And this is when a client often will come to me and say, “I need to set a boundary.” At this point, we're probably past the tipping point.
What I encourage you to do as a designer CEO, and of course, coaching really helps to develop the internal resources to do this, is to work on developing the habit of setting boundaries regularly, and not just when you're overwhelmed, overextended, and at the end of your rope.
You're probably in agreement with me here. Yes, it would be ideal to set that boundary early and often. And the waiting to set it is usually happening because it can be uncomfortable to set a boundary. And that's why we wish and hope the need does not arise because we want to delay the uncomfortable.
However, there's probably not going to be a time, especially if you're not in the habit of setting boundaries, where it's going to feel exceptionally good. What I wanna remind you here, and I often remind you this, in other scenarios with discomfort is that you're just kind of trading the timeline of discomfort.
So, avoiding boundaries now, or at the beginning when you need to establish them might spare you some discomfort in the short term. But in the long term, you're going to end up exhausted and probably exasperated. Like, why do they keep doing this and then still have to have the discomfort of setting the boundary or having that uncomfortable conversation or course correcting. So you're going to have the discomfort anyways.
And then I think what's also interesting to point out is there's typically a sort of tension that I see with my clients of wanting to not seem too rigid or unaccommodating, and so they're worried about that harming the relationship with the client. But when you don't establish a clear boundary from the get-go, that frustration and resentment that builds can damage your relationship. You also might then end up acting out from those heightened emotions in ways that are not skillful and could damage the relationship too.
It's always possible that whoever you're communicating the boundary to will not like the boundary or will have some issue or questions about it, and your brain's probably going to the worst-case scenario of somebody being really upset about this boundary. But I want you to just pause and consider that other outcomes could be available. It's very possible that the boundaries you set will be well received, that people will understand them, and that you won't come across as abrasive or rigid or inflexible.
And when you take the time to establish the boundary early, when you're not in those aggravated emotional states, you can be much more calm and confident and gracious in establishing whatever limit you set, which is going to positively impact the outcome. As I said, people may have some opinions or feelings about your boundary that you're setting, and it's not your job to control their response or how they feel about that boundary.
And that's why you really need to build that emotional capacity to tolerate the discomfort of not just setting the boundary, right? Because that requires emotional resilience in you, but you need the capacity to tolerate the discomfort of upholding the boundary and the capacity to tolerate the holding of space of your client's strong emotions if they happen to come up from having that boundary in place and being upheld.
You're going to want to know yourself here. Know what's important to you, what are your non-negotiables, and then make boundary decisions around that so you can come back to why you're setting the boundary in the first place, why it matters to you, and connect to that if there is a reaction to whatever decision you've made.
All right, let's go on to mistake number two. You're not committed to the follow-through. If you remember that boundary formula, “if you…” fill in the blank, “then I will…” fill in the blank. That second part is key. You are an essential part of that equation. What I see will happen is you'll set a boundary, but you'll know or have kind of this nagging doubt that you are not going to follow through on that second piece, which is you doing what you say you're going to do.
There's going to be people who push back on your limits, either unintentionally or intentionally, you might have to remind them of what that boundary is. And it is your job to be committed to the follow-through. So when you're establishing a boundary, make sure it's something that you can commit to. Because if you do not respect your boundaries, no one else will.
So how do you know if you're really committed to the follow-through? I don't think you have to feel like 100% confident you're going to follow through, but you want to feel pretty self-assured that you have the internal resources that you're going to move forward with that. We can kind of sidestep ourselves and I wanna give you a couple hints as to when you might be a little too shaky on what you're saying.
And that would be, you might find yourself making subtle requests instead of setting a clear boundary. So if you find yourself going, “I'd really like it if you could,” or, “it'd be nice if you could,” remember that's a request, not a boundary. And if you're trying to sidestep it like that, that might be an indicator that you're not actually ready to follow through on the boundary that you want to set, and that's some work you can do.
The other thing is you might be really relying heavily on your client reading contracts or other types of onboarding materials, and then expecting them to take responsibility to uphold the boundary. I'm in full support of having the written documentation of how you operate so it's very clear for your clients. It can be great to have technology help you enforce some of these boundaries you want to set.
But also, if you're kind of in this place of, well, it says this, they should read that, and then I shouldn't have to do anything, take that as a sign you might not be fully committed to your follow-through. And one last thing I'll say about this before we move on is because the follow-through of your boundary is absolutely critical, it's important to not set them in the heat of the moment. If you notice that you need to establish a limit and one is not in place, give yourself permission to just pause and take a step back. It's okay to give yourself some time to think about what you want, what you're willing to do, what you're not willing to do, and how you want to communicate that. That way, when you come back and you set the boundary, you can be sure that it's something that you're willing to do.
The third boundary-setting mistake that I want to highlight is that you're using boundaries as a way to control others. Let's go back to that boundary formula. It is about you. What you are going to do. You cannot control other people's actions, you can't control their feelings, you can't control what they say, what they do. What you can control is what you do or don't do, and that's why being committed to your own follow-through is so important. You are the constant and so we want to focus on you.
This is where I see boundaries causing a lot of frustration, annoyance, aggravation, even anger, where you're expecting somebody else to do something just because you told them the boundary. Or maybe you're frustrated that you have to remind them of the boundary. And you're thinking that, well, the boundary's set, so this person should just do the thing, and then I don't have to do the other part of the equation. If I set the boundary, then they will just do it or follow it. But that's definitely not always the case. It's great when everyone's on board and they remember. Super. But that's not always the case. And so we have to remind ourselves that this is about us. It's about what we can control with ourselves, not controlling others.
This will save you so much frustration if you don't use the boundary as a way to try and have your little chess pieces being moved around exactly as you want. When you choose to focus on what you have control over and what you bring to the situation, it is such a more empowering stance to take, and you're gonna save yourself a lot of mental drama as well.
The fourth and final boundary setting mistake I wanna highlight here is that you're over-explaining your boundaries. This can come across as being apologetic or maybe there's justification in how you present the boundary, you can decide to set a boundary because you want to set a boundary. This goes back to number one. You do not have to be exhausted and burned out to set a boundary.
That does not need to be your excuse. You don't have to have a reason that seems justifiable to others. You can just decide that this is how you want things to go. This does not mean that you disregard concern for others or other people won't have opinions, but you don't need their permission to know what's best for you and your business.
What happens when you are apologetic or justify, it starts to open the door for debate. You're also communicating, you might not be on board with your own boundary, which goes back to number two when we're talking about being committed to follow through. Because when you're apologetic, when you're trying to justify, I want you to think about being on the receiving end of a boundary that's set that way. It's sending a message that you might not hold your line, that you're maybe not committed to that boundary.
So drop the justification, drop the apologetic tone, and stick with short, clear communication. This is just so much more effective and it gives the signal that the boundary is not open for negotiation. One thing I'll add here is also that not all boundaries needed to be stated outright.
So while you might want to be absolutely crystal clear about how you communicate in your business, when payments are due and what happens if payments are not made, if you're contacted outside of business hours, all of those types of things, there's certain things that I think you don't need to communicate.
An example I like to give is if someone yells at you. If someone's yelling at you, you don't have to set the boundary ahead of time of if you yell at me, then I will walk away or hang up. If someone yells at you, you can just simply leave the room or end the call. Perhaps then you have a follow-up conversation about a boundary around respectful communication, but in that moment you don't need to start engaging in any kind of unnecessary conflict and you also don't need to have something on the get-go indicating that there will be that type of conflict and you need to set a boundary around it.
Those are the four boundary-setting mistakes that I wanted to cover with you today, and of course, what to do instead. So I'm gonna recap them here. The first mistake is that you're waiting too long to set the boundary. What I want you to do instead is decide what is important to you and set your boundaries early in your relationships.
The second mistake is you're not committed to the follow-through. What you can do instead is to make sure you're ready to follow through on the boundary if you set it. Do a gut check, make sure that you are committed to you.
Mistake number three is you're using boundaries as a way to control others. The solution to this is using the limit as a way to empower and support yourself as the CEO. Return to where you actually have control, which is you.
And the fourth and final mistake we covered is that you're over-explaining or apologizing for your boundaries. And the solution to this is just to communicate the boundary simply, clearly, and keep it very succinct.
I want you to take a moment to reflect and consider, what is the hardest part about boundaries for you in your interior design business? And is there a specific mistake that resonates the most? If there's one that stood out as like, yep, I definitely do that. Give a little thought to what's a small change you can put into motion from today's episode, so that you can really start to see the benefits of effective boundaries and start to build that internal confidence that this is something that you can do and that really supports you.
When you increase your skills in this single area, it can have a profound impact on you and your business. Of course, it's gonna help you protect your time and energy. Boundaries are a key tool in helping avoid burnout and over-functioning and over-commitment and really help you feel better in blending your life and work priorities.
Boundaries are also going to help you be more productive and efficient. I'm talking about all of that texting and binging and interruptions throughout the day in a variety of ways and a variety of relationships. So when you have those clear boundaries, you can have better communication, more dedicated communication, and that's gonna lead to smoother workflows, better outcomes, and higher quality work.
And lastly, having these clear, direct boundaries is going to help you strengthen relationships. When you're aligned with the types of clients you want to work with and the employees you bring into your firm, clear expectations and boundaries really does help build trust and communicates reliability and fosters a respectful environment for everyone involved.
That's what I have for you today. I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. I'd love to hear what you thought of this topic. And if you have a topic you would love to have me cover here on the podcast, you can always feel free to email me, respond to Monday Mindset or any of my other emails, or send me a DM on Instagram @DesiCreswell.
Another way to tell me what you're loving is if you rate and review the show. That helps me spread the word about this podcast, and you can just put in your comment what are your favorite topics, what you've taken away from listening, and help others know why they should tune in too.
And lastly, before we sign off, if you're interested in working together one-on-one, make sure you head over to https://desicreswell.com/coaching to learn about Design to Thrive customized coaching partnerships and get on the wait list. That's how you'll be the first to know when a spot becomes available.
All right, that is it. Until we talk next Wednesday, I'm wishing you a beautiful week.
Thanks for joining me for this week's episode of The Interior Design Business CEO. If you want more tips, tools and strategies visit DesiCreswell.com. And if you're ready to take what you've learned on the podcast to the next level, I would love for you to check out my signature group coaching program, Out of Overwhelm.
Welcome to The Interior Design Business CEO, the only show for designers who are ready to confidently run and grow their businesses without the stress and anxiety. If you're ready to develop a bigger vision for your interior design business, free up your time, and streamline your days for productivity and profit, you're in the right place.
I'm Desi Creswell, an award-winning interior designer and certified life and business coach. I help interior designers just like you stop feeling overwhelmed so they can build profitable businesses they love to run. Are you ready to confidently lead your business, clients, and projects? Let's go.
Hello, designer, welcome back to the podcast. I hope you are all doing well. It's been a while since I sat down to record an episode for you. I'm just getting back from a two-week spring break, and it was wonderful. We went to Puerto Rico and had a great mix of adventure going into El Yunque National Forest. My son got to try scuba diving for the first time, and then we did a lot of time at the beach and poo,l and also some exploring of the old San Juan area with all of the beautiful colored buildings.
And let me tell you, I'm so grateful to past me for giving myself runway. This is something I talk a lot about with my clients in terms of being able to take time away from your business and how to set yourself up for both leaving the business and then also returning to it. And if you want to hear me talk more about this, go back to episode 20 of the podcast. I think it's just called “How to Take Time Off from Your Interior Design Business,” and I talk a little bit more about this.
But I'll be honest, I'm kind of dragging. After that extended break, it feels like, all right, we got to get the engine churning again. And I'm really glad that I don't have any meetings scheduled. I know I wanted to record this podcast, do some planning for this quarter, and it's a pretty easy day for me. And I'm grateful that that is how I plan things so that I'm not expecting myself to go from zero to 100. And that is definitely needed today.
Usually I have some half-caf coffee in the morning, and I had that, and it did nothing for me. So right now we are fueling up on a cup of regular coffee, and I'm really excited to dive into this topic of boundaries with you.
What I realized was I was working on my keynote talk for the Midwest Design Retreat. And if you're interested in attending that, it's the beginning of May, head over to https://desicreswell.com/resources, and I've got a link to that there. It's a three-day in-person event where we can work together.
And I was working on one of the resources that attendees are going to receive when they join us to support the talks that we're all giving here. And I realized I have never done an episode specifically on boundaries. And I thought, how is that possible? I have an entire module on setting boundaries and saying no in my group program, Out Of Overwhelm. It's something I coach on all of the time. And yet somehow I have never brought this to the podcast.
So here we are today, because I'm guessing at some point you've heard yourself say or think, “I need to set some boundaries.” And maybe you've tried to communicate some of these decisions you've made, but they haven't worked in the way that you've wanted. Or, you know, maybe it's still one of those things that you know you need to do, but you haven't mustered up the courage to do it yet.
So in either instance, this episode is going to be perfect for you to listen to because I really want you to be equipped to effectively and confidently communicate your boundaries in your interior design business. It is, like I said, something that comes up so often in coaching, and that's because lack of boundaries or having these very blurry lines of what's acceptable and what's not acceptable quickly leads to scenarios where designers are feeling really exhausted, not trusting themselves or the decisions they wanna make about how they wanna operate the business.
Maybe they're feeling guilty or anxious in a relational dynamic or when they're not working. And often there's this feeling of irritability and often resentment, and typically it's going to come back to this idea of boundaries. Boundaries are what help give you the time, energy, and financial resources to show up at your very best, not just for you and your own needs, which, of course, super important, but for others as well.
And without intentionally giving some dedicated thought to what boundaries you want to establish and how you're going to communicate those boundaries, it's really easy to go into over-functioning mode and become overextended. And I've seen this happen, not just with clients, I feel like often we're talking about boundaries with our design clients, but it definitely happens with contractors and other trade partners and with your staff, and even with your family around when you're working and when you're available to them.
So this is a widespread issue, and establishing these clear boundaries is really critical if you want to build that creatively fulfilling business, one that supports you financially from a time perspective and gives you that space and presence in your life when you're not working.
Now, with all that being said, it can be tricky to set these effective boundaries for a variety of reasons. And that's why today we're going to talk about the four most common mistakes I see designers make when it comes to deciding what boundaries they want to set, actually setting those limits, and then upholding the boundaries in action. And through sharing these mistakes, I'm going to be talking about, of course, what not to do, but that will be the perfect lens in which we explore what to do instead. So that these borders or limits you establish are really supportive of you as the business owner, and also of others who are impacted by these decisions.
Before we talk about the mistakes, I wanna quickly just make sure we're all on the same page when we talk about what is a boundary and what does it mean to set a boundary. Really, boundaries establish clear expectations, rules, and limits regarding the behavior, the communication, and relational dynamic. They are about setting limits on what is acceptable and unacceptable according to you.
Setting a boundary is quite simple in practice. There's a formula I teach my clients, and I'll give it to you here. It goes like this: “If you…” and then you fill in the blank, “then I will…” fill in the blank. Right? If the other person does something, says something, shows up in some way, then you as the business owner will respond to that in some way. That's it. Like I said, it's simple. So we're not gonna spend much time on that. It's all the stuff that's circling around this simple formula where we start to see mishaps and issues and frustration because things are not panning out the way you want it.
So with that, let's dive into the boundary mistakes and what to do instead. Mistake number one is that you're simply waiting too long to set the boundary.
This will often look like waiting and hoping the boundary doesn't need to be established. The issue with this is that when you delay the setting of the boundary, the relationship dynamic becomes established. Once that dynamic is established, it can be a lot trickier to change and course correct. That's not to say that it can't be, it definitely can. There's always a moment to reset, but it's a lot easier if you just do it at the get-go.
What I see happen is that in the delay of setting of the boundary, your own needs are going ignored for an extended period of time. And with that, then I start to see the resentment building. And this is when a client often will come to me and say, “I need to set a boundary.” At this point, we're probably past the tipping point.
What I encourage you to do as a designer CEO, and of course, coaching really helps to develop the internal resources to do this, is to work on developing the habit of setting boundaries regularly, and not just when you're overwhelmed, overextended, and at the end of your rope.
You're probably in agreement with me here. Yes, it would be ideal to set that boundary early and often. And the waiting to set it is usually happening because it can be uncomfortable to set a boundary. And that's why we wish and hope the need does not arise because we want to delay the uncomfortable.
However, there's probably not going to be a time, especially if you're not in the habit of setting boundaries, where it's going to feel exceptionally good. What I wanna remind you here, and I often remind you this, in other scenarios with discomfort is that you're just kind of trading the timeline of discomfort.
So, avoiding boundaries now, or at the beginning when you need to establish them might spare you some discomfort in the short term. But in the long term, you're going to end up exhausted and probably exasperated. Like, why do they keep doing this and then still have to have the discomfort of setting the boundary or having that uncomfortable conversation or course correcting. So you're going to have the discomfort anyways.
And then I think what's also interesting to point out is there's typically a sort of tension that I see with my clients of wanting to not seem too rigid or unaccommodating, and so they're worried about that harming the relationship with the client. But when you don't establish a clear boundary from the get-go, that frustration and resentment that builds can damage your relationship. You also might then end up acting out from those heightened emotions in ways that are not skillful and could damage the relationship too.
It's always possible that whoever you're communicating the boundary to will not like the boundary or will have some issue or questions about it, and your brain's probably going to the worst-case scenario of somebody being really upset about this boundary. But I want you to just pause and consider that other outcomes could be available. It's very possible that the boundaries you set will be well received, that people will understand them, and that you won't come across as abrasive or rigid or inflexible.
And when you take the time to establish the boundary early, when you're not in those aggravated emotional states, you can be much more calm and confident and gracious in establishing whatever limit you set, which is going to positively impact the outcome. As I said, people may have some opinions or feelings about your boundary that you're setting, and it's not your job to control their response or how they feel about that boundary.
And that's why you really need to build that emotional capacity to tolerate the discomfort of not just setting the boundary, right? Because that requires emotional resilience in you, but you need the capacity to tolerate the discomfort of upholding the boundary and the capacity to tolerate the holding of space of your client's strong emotions if they happen to come up from having that boundary in place and being upheld.
You're going to want to know yourself here. Know what's important to you, what are your non-negotiables, and then make boundary decisions around that so you can come back to why you're setting the boundary in the first place, why it matters to you, and connect to that if there is a reaction to whatever decision you've made.
All right, let's go on to mistake number two. You're not committed to the follow-through. If you remember that boundary formula, “if you…” fill in the blank, “then I will…” fill in the blank. That second part is key. You are an essential part of that equation. What I see will happen is you'll set a boundary, but you'll know or have kind of this nagging doubt that you are not going to follow through on that second piece, which is you doing what you say you're going to do.
There's going to be people who push back on your limits, either unintentionally or intentionally, you might have to remind them of what that boundary is. And it is your job to be committed to the follow-through. So when you're establishing a boundary, make sure it's something that you can commit to. Because if you do not respect your boundaries, no one else will.
So how do you know if you're really committed to the follow-through? I don't think you have to feel like 100% confident you're going to follow through, but you want to feel pretty self-assured that you have the internal resources that you're going to move forward with that. We can kind of sidestep ourselves and I wanna give you a couple hints as to when you might be a little too shaky on what you're saying.
And that would be, you might find yourself making subtle requests instead of setting a clear boundary. So if you find yourself going, “I'd really like it if you could,” or, “it'd be nice if you could,” remember that's a request, not a boundary. And if you're trying to sidestep it like that, that might be an indicator that you're not actually ready to follow through on the boundary that you want to set, and that's some work you can do.
The other thing is you might be really relying heavily on your client reading contracts or other types of onboarding materials, and then expecting them to take responsibility to uphold the boundary. I'm in full support of having the written documentation of how you operate so it's very clear for your clients. It can be great to have technology help you enforce some of these boundaries you want to set.
But also, if you're kind of in this place of, well, it says this, they should read that, and then I shouldn't have to do anything, take that as a sign you might not be fully committed to your follow-through. And one last thing I'll say about this before we move on is because the follow-through of your boundary is absolutely critical, it's important to not set them in the heat of the moment. If you notice that you need to establish a limit and one is not in place, give yourself permission to just pause and take a step back. It's okay to give yourself some time to think about what you want, what you're willing to do, what you're not willing to do, and how you want to communicate that. That way, when you come back and you set the boundary, you can be sure that it's something that you're willing to do.
The third boundary-setting mistake that I want to highlight is that you're using boundaries as a way to control others. Let's go back to that boundary formula. It is about you. What you are going to do. You cannot control other people's actions, you can't control their feelings, you can't control what they say, what they do. What you can control is what you do or don't do, and that's why being committed to your own follow-through is so important. You are the constant and so we want to focus on you.
This is where I see boundaries causing a lot of frustration, annoyance, aggravation, even anger, where you're expecting somebody else to do something just because you told them the boundary. Or maybe you're frustrated that you have to remind them of the boundary. And you're thinking that, well, the boundary's set, so this person should just do the thing, and then I don't have to do the other part of the equation. If I set the boundary, then they will just do it or follow it. But that's definitely not always the case. It's great when everyone's on board and they remember. Super. But that's not always the case. And so we have to remind ourselves that this is about us. It's about what we can control with ourselves, not controlling others.
This will save you so much frustration if you don't use the boundary as a way to try and have your little chess pieces being moved around exactly as you want. When you choose to focus on what you have control over and what you bring to the situation, it is such a more empowering stance to take, and you're gonna save yourself a lot of mental drama as well.
The fourth and final boundary setting mistake I wanna highlight here is that you're over-explaining your boundaries. This can come across as being apologetic or maybe there's justification in how you present the boundary, you can decide to set a boundary because you want to set a boundary. This goes back to number one. You do not have to be exhausted and burned out to set a boundary.
That does not need to be your excuse. You don't have to have a reason that seems justifiable to others. You can just decide that this is how you want things to go. This does not mean that you disregard concern for others or other people won't have opinions, but you don't need their permission to know what's best for you and your business.
What happens when you are apologetic or justify, it starts to open the door for debate. You're also communicating, you might not be on board with your own boundary, which goes back to number two when we're talking about being committed to follow through. Because when you're apologetic, when you're trying to justify, I want you to think about being on the receiving end of a boundary that's set that way. It's sending a message that you might not hold your line, that you're maybe not committed to that boundary.
So drop the justification, drop the apologetic tone, and stick with short, clear communication. This is just so much more effective and it gives the signal that the boundary is not open for negotiation. One thing I'll add here is also that not all boundaries needed to be stated outright.
So while you might want to be absolutely crystal clear about how you communicate in your business, when payments are due and what happens if payments are not made, if you're contacted outside of business hours, all of those types of things, there's certain things that I think you don't need to communicate.
An example I like to give is if someone yells at you. If someone's yelling at you, you don't have to set the boundary ahead of time of if you yell at me, then I will walk away or hang up. If someone yells at you, you can just simply leave the room or end the call. Perhaps then you have a follow-up conversation about a boundary around respectful communication, but in that moment you don't need to start engaging in any kind of unnecessary conflict and you also don't need to have something on the get-go indicating that there will be that type of conflict and you need to set a boundary around it.
Those are the four boundary-setting mistakes that I wanted to cover with you today, and of course, what to do instead. So I'm gonna recap them here. The first mistake is that you're waiting too long to set the boundary. What I want you to do instead is decide what is important to you and set your boundaries early in your relationships.
The second mistake is you're not committed to the follow-through. What you can do instead is to make sure you're ready to follow through on the boundary if you set it. Do a gut check, make sure that you are committed to you.
Mistake number three is you're using boundaries as a way to control others. The solution to this is using the limit as a way to empower and support yourself as the CEO. Return to where you actually have control, which is you.
And the fourth and final mistake we covered is that you're over-explaining or apologizing for your boundaries. And the solution to this is just to communicate the boundary simply, clearly, and keep it very succinct.
I want you to take a moment to reflect and consider, what is the hardest part about boundaries for you in your interior design business? And is there a specific mistake that resonates the most? If there's one that stood out as like, yep, I definitely do that. Give a little thought to what's a small change you can put into motion from today's episode, so that you can really start to see the benefits of effective boundaries and start to build that internal confidence that this is something that you can do and that really supports you.
When you increase your skills in this single area, it can have a profound impact on you and your business. Of course, it's gonna help you protect your time and energy. Boundaries are a key tool in helping avoid burnout and over-functioning and over-commitment and really help you feel better in blending your life and work priorities.
Boundaries are also going to help you be more productive and efficient. I'm talking about all of that texting and binging and interruptions throughout the day in a variety of ways and a variety of relationships. So when you have those clear boundaries, you can have better communication, more dedicated communication, and that's gonna lead to smoother workflows, better outcomes, and higher quality work.
And lastly, having these clear, direct boundaries is going to help you strengthen relationships. When you're aligned with the types of clients you want to work with and the employees you bring into your firm, clear expectations and boundaries really does help build trust and communicates reliability and fosters a respectful environment for everyone involved.
That's what I have for you today. I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. I'd love to hear what you thought of this topic. And if you have a topic you would love to have me cover here on the podcast, you can always feel free to email me, respond to Monday Mindset or any of my other emails, or send me a DM on Instagram @DesiCreswell.
Another way to tell me what you're loving is if you rate and review the show. That helps me spread the word about this podcast, and you can just put in your comment what are your favorite topics, what you've taken away from listening, and help others know why they should tune in too.
And lastly, before we sign off, if you're interested in working together one-on-one, make sure you head over to https://desicreswell.com/coaching to learn about Design to Thrive customized coaching partnerships and get on the wait list. That's how you'll be the first to know when a spot becomes available.
All right, that is it. Until we talk next Wednesday, I'm wishing you a beautiful week.
Thanks for joining me for this week's episode of The Interior Design Business CEO. If you want more tips, tools and strategies visit DesiCreswell.com. And if you're ready to take what you've learned on the podcast to the next level, I would love for you to check out my signature group coaching program, Out of Overwhelm.
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