113. Overcome Goal Aversion to Reach Your Full Potential
Do you find yourself avoiding or resisting setting goals in your interior design business? Whether you struggle to set goals in the first place or have trouble committing to them once they're set, this episode is for you.
Goal aversion can manifest in various ways, some obvious and others more subtle. It might look like telling yourself you're not a goal person, doubting your ability to achieve the goal, or fearing disappointment if you fall short. If you avoid setting goals in your interior design business, or you only feel the resistance to truly committing once you’ve already set the goal, this episode is for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn why we set goals as business owners, how to identify where resistance is showing up for you, and what you can do to move past it. Discover how embracing discomfort and building self-trust can help you navigate the goal-setting process and unlock the next level of your interior design business.
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What You’ll Discover from this Episode:
Why setting clear, intentional goals is crucial for business growth and personal development.
How to identify the ways goal aversion is coming up for you in your business.
The importance of understanding what you're really resisting when avoiding goals.
How to develop the skill of embracing discomfort and building self-trust to navigate resistance.
Why combining strategy, mindset, and emotional resilience is key to creating holistic success.
Simple tips for overcoming your goal aversion.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hey designer, you’re listening to episode 113. In this one we’re talking about when you find yourself avoiding or resisting setting goals in your interior design business. This can show up in a variety of ways, some obvious and some more sneaky. And whether you find that you avoid goals from the get-to, like you just don’t do it, or you have commitment issues once you set the goal, this episode is for you.
Welcome to The Interior Design Business CEO, the only show for designers who are ready to confidently run and grow their businesses without the stress and anxiety. If you're ready to develop a bigger vision for your interior design business, free up your time, and streamline your days for productivity and profit, you're in the right place. I'm Desi Creswell, an award-winning interior designer and certified life and business coach. I help interior designers just like you stop feeling overwhelmed so they can build profitable businesses they love to run. Are you ready to confidently lead your business, clients, and projects? Let's go.
Hello designer, welcome back to the podcast. So glad to be here and talking about what I have planned for today. This has been a topic that has really been bubbling up and just coming up in so many coaching conversations that I’ve had with clients. And what I’m thinking of calling this episode, I haven’t fully decided, but it’s going to be something along the lines of goal aversion.
When I think of the word aversion, the first thing I think about is any kind of chocolate-covered fruit, which is just so random. I guess indicative of the strong reaction that I have. I don’t know, I have never been one of those people who love the chocolate-covered strawberries or the chocolate bars with any kind of fruit in them. It’s just a hard no for me, so as I’ve been thinking about this that keeps popping up in my head, which is really random but that’s sometimes how my brain works.
But what I want to talk about is, like I said, something that’s been coming up a ton for my clients. Now, of course no one has to set goals. You don’t have to set goals. You could totally just opt out of that, totally fine. I personally recommend it.
And what I find when I’m coaching a client on this aversion to goal setting or they’re having some resistance, and this could be whether it’s resistance to setting a big goal for the year, or just even committing to a new habit, that’s kind of like a micro goal. The thing is, there’s the resistance and wanting to be like, oh, I don’t want to do that. Goals aren’t for me, I’m not a good goal setter. But what actually comes about in the coaching is that the clients do want to set goals.
So I want you to just think about that. Even if you have the resistance to it, there’s probably part of you who sees that goal setting can be a useful tool, or that there’s part of you who wants to engage with a goal that’s going to grow you.
And with my clients where this has been coming up, they want to grow beyond their current capacity and their current level of success, whatever that means to them, of course. But they feel a lot of resistance to committing to the goal, and then therefore avoid setting a goal in the first place.
And as I’m talking about this, you might be identifying with this concept of goal aversion right away. Or maybe you’re kind of wondering, is this me? I think maybe I like goals. Do I have an aversion? Am I resisting it at all? And what I think is that most of us have this on some level.
And I also think that our level of resistance or desire to set the goal can fluctuate over time too, depending on what we’ve got going on in our personal lives, how big and scary those goals are that we want to set, and where we want to take our business and where we want to grow as an individual. And so I want to give you just some things to think about, and get a little bit more awareness and understanding of where you’re at with this, what we could call a continuum of resistance.
The first thing I want you to do is just notice how you talk about goal setting. We’ve got that internal narrative that’s always sort of playing in our head, that running ticker tape of lines that we say and think, and some of those things actually come out. So this could be things that you’re thinking, but also just what you’re relaying to others as you talk about goal setting as if it’s just the news and it’s just who you are.
And so sometimes when we’re talking about goal setting that’s framed in relation to your identity, or who you perceive yourself to be. And you might be thinking or relaying thoughts like I’m just not a big goal setter. I’m not good at setting goals. I don’t have time for that. I’m too busy. I’m probably not going to follow through, so why bother?
And the thing to note here is that when we tell ourselves something about who we perceive ourselves to be, either we’re like this or we’re not like that, we’re always going to act in accordance with that belief because our brain wants to reinforce the belief. And what ends up happening is then we just reinforce that identity.
So if we’re telling ourselves we’re not into goal setting, we can’t follow through, we’re just not good at it, we’re a bad goal setter, then our brain is going to go to work to prove that true and of course, create more evidence to reinforce that belief and then reinforce that identity for you. And so of course, if you’re believing that you’re just not a good goal setter, then of course you have resistance to setting goals. It’s in opposition of who you believe yourself to be.
So it makes a lot of sense that when we tell ourselves we’re bad at something, of course we don’t want to do it because we don’t want to fail. We don’t want to be confronted with our badness at the skill. But we forget that those beliefs are optional and they’re never that black and white or absolute in their truth.
Sometimes the resistance or aversion that comes with the goal setting process is revealed by a lack of belief that you can be successful with the goal you set. So this is less about believing that you just don’t do goals, like from an identity perspective, but more about what happens after the goal is set or you’ve declared what you want to create in the year.
So it can come up as a lot of self doubt. Like I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know where I’m going to find the time. Or you might find yourself saying, I’m focused on other things right now, kind of giving yourself an out. And a big one that I’ll hear is I don’t want to be disappointed.
It’s kind of like we’re creating this disappointment ahead of time to try and avoid the disappointment we’re trying to avoid, which is so fascinating. Again, oh, silly brain. It does silly things sometimes. And we have to be aware of that. When we’re telling ourselves I don’t want to be disappointed, that’s like a clear indicator of lack of belief because it’s like you’ve already decided you’re not going to be able to achieve the goal. Otherwise you wouldn’t be afraid of being disappointed.
And I think there’s some level of that regardless, right? Like I don’t think anyone’s ever 100% confident, oh yeah, I’m totally going to crush this goal in anything that we set out to do. I think there’s always that little bit of worry or self doubt or a little bit of that second guessing. But this is a little bit more on the other extreme of like, I’m just going to count myself out now before I even get started.
So with that in mind, I just want you to have a moment of awareness, check in with yourself and think like, am I talking about myself in terms of my identity and what I can or can’t do and that is creating some aversion or resistance to goal setting? Or is it more related to what happens after I set the goal, and that’s where there's a lack of belief in myself, in my business, in what’s possible for me? We could look at all sorts of different areas.
Like I said in the beginning, this resistance or avoidance can really present itself in a lot of different ways and in many different points during the goal setting and achievement process. It could be at the very start you just don’t set any goal at all. And that’s where the resistance starts and ends. So you keep doing and doing without pointing yourself toward an intentional aim.
It can also happen after you’ve identified the goal. And then when it’s time to get specific about what that goal is exactly to you and some of the ways that you plan to go about achieving that goal, that’s when this can really pop up. And a big part of this is that specificity is a part of commitment. Ooh, and commitment, yes, that can very much bring up the resistance and avoidance.
And that might look like you’re really excited about this big picture vision, but when you need to get clear on what that actually means to you, you jump ship because it can be a little bit scary to commit. And I think this is really related to that piece around disappointment that I was mentioning earlier.
Once we commit, the chances or the possibility of future disappointment or failure, embarrassment, whatever it is for you, is going to increase, right? Because you’ve drawn a line in the sand with that commitment. And now there’s before you set the goal and its possibility and imagination and kind of that glittery glow. And then it becomes time to go, oh, all right, this is happening.
Another part of this process could be when you need to plan to execute the pieces of the goal, such as in my 90 day planning process that I often talk about. You have some ideas of what needs to happen, but you spend time and energy stalling on making that commitment, making that decision, right? A decision is a commitment. Or you’re fluttering from idea to idea, wondering which is the best, who knows better than you, all those things. And of course, there’s a place for research. You can plan research into your 90 day plan. And at some point you’ve got to commit and make a decision.
Another time the resistance or avoidance can pop up is when you encounter an obstacle, or things, or you as an agent in this process, don’t go as planned. This is a time when self-doubt tends to spike, some anxiety, worry, your confidence can feel a little shaky. And of course, resistance is going to try and come up and take you out of that process to avoid falling flat on your face.
So what can happen is you jump ship when there’s not this linear progression, forgetting that there really is never a linear progression. Things never go exactly as planned, but we have kind of this fantasy in our head that’s how it’s going to go. And then when it doesn’t, we think something’s gone wrong.
The last example of really when this resistance and avoidance can flare that I want to share, and I think this is a really interesting one, is when you’re getting close to achieving the goal. So maybe you’ve set the goal, you’ve made your 90 day plans, you’re making progress, and you’re inching towards exactly what you want.
This is, I think, fascinating how this works sometimes. And the resistance will really creep in as the gap between where you are and where you want to be closes. Now, I don’t think this always happens, but definitely it can. I know I’ve experienced it periodically and I’ve seen it happen sometimes with my clients.
I think this is really related to the difference between wanting success, or wanting that goal, and your capacity to have or hold the success. Because when you are in the place of goal achievement and you’ve done exactly what you set out to do, there can be some shakiness and some worry around, can I sustain this? Do I deserve this? Can I keep it up? What do I do now? Just be aware of that one. I think that one is a little bit of a sneaky one and you should definitely have that on your radar.
As I’ve given you those examples, I’m hoping you can see that resistance and aversion and avoidance can really show up in a lot of different ways and at various stages of the goal setting and goal achievement process. And so chances are, you’ve probably experienced this in the past, and will experience it again in the future.
The human brain really is designed to keep you safe and conserve energy. If left to its own devices, it’s going to choose the path of least resistance and least risk. Meaning it wants to maintain the status quo. So just by being human, especially if you haven’t developed the skill of embracing discomfort that comes with stretching yourself beyond current capabilities and building the self-trust to be kind to yourself in the face of failure, you’ll likely have some degree of resistance or avoidance showing up.
If you think about it, goal setting is in opposition to the brain’s desire for safety and efficiency. And setting goals, growing yourself, feeling that sense of accomplishment and pride is also incredibly rewarding and I think worth doing the work around navigating what can come up when you set out to achieve goals.
Which I want to just remind you of why we set those goals in the first place. Why we are willing to do that work. I think it’s important to remember this. Often, it’s just like, oh, yeah, all the goal setting content starts to come out in December and January and the calendar is turning over. And so, yeah, of course, I should just set some goals as a business owner. But I think we forget why we’re actually setting goals.
The first reason is, of course, to set a clear intentional destination. As the CEO, you want to be the one who decides what growth looks like, not someone else. Not someone else you’re comparing yourself to online, not what some other person in your life thinks you should do, not what your clients think you should do. You want to be in charge of what growth looks like, and a goal is a way that you do that.
Without a goal, your business is more likely to be shaped by other people’s opinions, preferences, and agendas. And you started this business, likely, to be the one who calls the shots. So don’t miss this opportunity to create direction and focus that really aligns with your own priorities and your own values.
The other reason that we set goals is because it makes our daily, weekly, and quarterly planning so much easier. We know what to do when we have that clear destination. There are endless ways you could operate and grow your business, which is why so many of my clients I end up working with feel like they are spinning and bopping from one thing to the next.
And that goes right back to setting your own destination, knowing what you need to work on to get where you want to go. When you have that, you have a filter then for how you decide what you invest in, what projects you take on, what are the backend pieces of the business that you’re currently working on? How does that relate to the day-to-day and the weekly processes in your business? How does that relate to the life that you want to live? There is purpose to your actions with a goal.
And lastly, a huge reason that we set goals as a business owner is that it grows us as the person behind the business. And when you grow, that’s going to help you grow the business, which in turn helps you get closer to your ideal life and business vision.
I’ve talked about this ideal life and business vision way back at the start of the podcast, so you can definitely go check that out. I think it’s one of the first three episodes, we’ll have to link it. And then also I have a free journal that I’ve created for you too, where I prompt you with a lot of questions to help you get clear on what it is that you want personally and professionally. You can download that at desiid.com/vision.
What I always say is that when you grow, or when you thrive, the business is going to grow and the business is going to thrive. And that’s because goals require you to step outside your comfort zone. It requires you to become version 2.0, 3.0, 4.0. And on the other side of that evolution, there is great reward in who you become in the process, your level of confidence that grows, the people that you engage with, the skills you develop.
If you take a minute to just even think about who you were when you started your interior design business and who you have become in growing it, it’s pretty amazing. And so that’s why we want to continue to set goals, it’s because of who we become in the process.
Setting a clear goal is also how you decide what level of stretch you need for that year to expand your capacity. And whether that’s growing your confidence, your skill set, or leadership skills, you get to decide what that level of expansion is for the year.
And of course, let me remind you that the greatest expansion is not necessarily better than the lesser amount of expansion. It’s up to you. There’s years where we want to push ourselves more. And there’s years where we want to maybe have a quieter year or refine things and settle into that last push that we had.
The beauty of all of this is that when you grow, because of the goals you set, that new version of you goes everywhere with you. It travels to the future as a more capable version of you that sets a new goal for next year. And it just continues to compound.
While the brain’s primary concern really is to keep you safe, there’s also part of you that wants to evolve and become the best version of yourself and reach your potential. And that’s rewarding and that is a great reason to navigate this aversion or resistance to goal setting.
What I really want you to take away from what I just shared is that goals are meant to serve and support you, not something that you need to hide from. Because when you’re hiding from goals, you’re hiding from creating that profitable, fulfilling next-level version of your interior design business.
And now you might be thinking, okay, so now what? I’m thinking maybe I am the type of person who sets goals, I’m willing to stretch myself, or maybe not even totally willing, but I’m willing to get support to help stretch myself. You can see why setting goals is valuable and you can identify where you’re getting in your own way.
Okay, so now where do you go from here is the question. And the first thing is to simply remind yourself that your brain thinks it’s being helpful by sidestepping goals. It perceives sameness with safety. You can know though now, as the CEO of the business, listening to this episode, that the bigger, better version of your business requires stepping into the unknown. There’s no need to blame or judge yourself if you’ve been avoiding your goals in some way. You know some new things now, and you’re going to choose differently.
Now, with all of that in mind, I have a very important question you have to ask yourself. And that is what am I really resisting or avoiding? Because it’s not the goal that you’re avoiding. Goals are just writing down numbers, actions, and outcomes on paper or in your Google document. What you’re really avoiding is what comes up for you internally from an emotional perspective when you set the goal. That’s what you’re pushing away, the emotions.
The goal, the circumstance that you give yourself just stirs the pot. It brings up what needs to be worked on. So what are you really trying to escape when you’re escaping defining your growth for next year? Sometimes this is something you think you have to give up in order to achieve the goal. And if that one resonates, definitely check out episode 78 where I talk about dual desires.
Our brains are naturally going to be focused on what we have to give up more so than being focused on the potential upsides. So this is something you’re going to have to redirect yourself around. And of course, this is something as a coach that I really help my clients with a lot.
You might also just want to escape the discomfort of a feeling in the body. The tight chest, the racing heart, maybe sweaty palms, feeling a little tightness around the throat. We don’t like feeling those sensations in our body. Even though they’re not harmful, they can be unpleasant. It’s actually a skill that you can develop to be with those uncomfortable feelings without letting them be the director of your decision-making and basically take over what you do or don’t do.
Often when we’re reaching for something bigger and better than we’ve done before, we’re afraid of what could go wrong and what that worst case scenario is. But often, the worst case scenario is being right where you are, which is probably not that bad, and then having some uncomfortable feelings. Whether that’s the shame, embarrassment, disappointment, you name it, all those ones we would rather avoid.
But the trade is, if we’re willing to have those feelings, if that’s on the table as something we are open to experiencing, even if we would prefer not to, the trade is getting what you want.
What you’re trying to escape could also be fear of what happens when you do achieve the goal. I mentioned this a little bit before around not being able to sustain the success or don’t want to be at the beginning of a new goal where you’re asking yourself to rise to the occasion yet again.
The other thing that you might actually be avoiding is how you think you have to approach the goal or the pace at which you “have to” take action. So we often avoid the goal because we’re believing we’ll have to do things that are out of alignment with how we want to run our business or how we want to live our lives. Or you’re believing that you have to race towards your goal, neglecting yourself or your family.
Often this can sound like, well, I don’t want to feel pressured. We often forget we’re the ones that set the destination, decide what we do, and the pace at which we do it. This is a good reminder that goals are here to serve you, not run you into the ground. Of course, there’s going to be challenges. There’s going to be times when you feel like, oh, I’m pushing so hard and this isn’t working or, oh, I’m so uncomfortable.
And we can use those moments to see what we’re capable of and to grow as the leader of our future with, of course, periods of rest and recovery built in there because we don’t necessarily have to always be pushing ourselves to the absolute limit. And then completely flop over and exhaust ourselves on the other side of that. We can have those periods where we feel like, yes, we’re really stretching, and now we’re going to enjoy the success we’ve created. We’re going to settle into that expansion.
What I’m hoping is that through those examples, you can help yourself really understand why you might be resisting or avoiding goal setting or doing the actual work that’s required to hit that goal for you specifically, because that’s actually what you need to solve for. And that’s where coaching is so, so valuable, is because we’re looking at what’s going on for you inside your brain.
What are the ways you’re limiting yourself and your potential or telling yourself stories that no longer serve you or never served you. We have to address the you in the equation because you can have all the technicalities of how to set a smart goal or whatever method you want, and absolutely I teach how to plan, how to goal set, how to calendar, all those things.
They are important skills to have, but if you don’t address and solve for the underlying resistance, the piece of what is it that I’m afraid of, that I’m worried I’m going to have to give up, the places where I don’t feel confident in myself, you’re going to be fighting yourself the whole way, trying to implement that goal setting process.
You can make the path much easier and also gain more benefit in who you become along the way through combining the strategy with the mindset and the emotional resilience.
And that’s where those three things come together with my Design To Thrive coaching process, is creating that holistic experience and level of support for my clients so that they’re not trying to be overly strong-armed in one way and negating what could be gained from one thing or actually having that too extreme of focus on just one of those pieces, right? We can’t have total mindset and no strategy. We can’t have, we’re going to sit and feel our feelings all day and never think about our strategy, right? We have to have all three to create success.
And once you acknowledge what’s going on under the surface and pulling those tools from what I was just describing, you can see that our behaviors always make sense. And then we can work with that sense that we’ve just made. And with this compassionate understanding of yourself, the resistance really just naturally starts to drop.
You’re going to be more open to goal setting and planning for your future. And then that intentional direction you give yourself in the business is going to naturally lead to more growth, whatever that means to you. And you’ll be expending less energy as you pursue your goals and enjoying the process so much more.
You’re also going to give yourself the opportunity to experience the pride of evolving yourself as the business owner and showing yourself what you’re really capable of. And of course, that version of you that has grown through goals gets to go with you everywhere you go, in every area of your life. In how you show up as a partner or a parent, or as a member of your community, wherever it is, everyone benefits. You benefit and the people you interact with benefit because you will have changed through this process.
So if you’re someone who resists goal setting in any way, ask yourself today, what am I really avoiding or resisting and see what comes up and see what shifts. I want to remind you that you can get my support with both the strategy and internal work required to reach your 2025 goals.
The first is through Design To Thrive coaching partnerships, and that’s where we work together one-on-one for four months. And it is a fully customized experience. If you’re interested in working together in this really high touch capacity, you can go to DesiCreswell.com/coaching and get all of the details on that.
You can also work with me in Create Your 2025 Roadmap where we are going to be creating your vision for the year and mapping out your plan. And of course, coaching on any resistance or other discomfort that comes up.
That workshop is a two-part interactive series. We’re going to meet January 9th and January 16th to both do planning and coaching. And you can find all the details for that by going to DesiCreswell.com/resources and you’ll find the workshop linked under that page.
I know this was a little bit of a longer one, but I trust that it gave you exactly what you needed. And of course, I would love to help you navigate this process as your coach. It is one thing to hear the concepts and go, yeah, that makes sense. And it’s a whole nother level to really embody the concepts and integrate them into your daily practices and how you’re showing up in your business.
I will be back next week with a brand new episode. And until then, I’m wishing you a beautiful week.
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Welcome to The Interior Design Business CEO, the only show for designers who are ready to confidently run and grow their businesses without the stress and anxiety. If you're ready to develop a bigger vision for your interior design business, free up your time, and streamline your days for productivity and profit, you're in the right place. I'm Desi Creswell, an award-winning interior designer and certified life and business coach. I help interior designers just like you stop feeling overwhelmed so they can build profitable businesses they love to run. Are you ready to confidently lead your business, clients, and projects? Let's go.
Hello designer, welcome back to the podcast. So glad to be here and talking about what I have planned for today. This has been a topic that has really been bubbling up and just coming up in so many coaching conversations that I’ve had with clients. And what I’m thinking of calling this episode, I haven’t fully decided, but it’s going to be something along the lines of goal aversion.
When I think of the word aversion, the first thing I think about is any kind of chocolate-covered fruit, which is just so random. I guess indicative of the strong reaction that I have. I don’t know, I have never been one of those people who love the chocolate-covered strawberries or the chocolate bars with any kind of fruit in them. It’s just a hard no for me, so as I’ve been thinking about this that keeps popping up in my head, which is really random but that’s sometimes how my brain works.
But what I want to talk about is, like I said, something that’s been coming up a ton for my clients. Now, of course no one has to set goals. You don’t have to set goals. You could totally just opt out of that, totally fine. I personally recommend it.
And what I find when I’m coaching a client on this aversion to goal setting or they’re having some resistance, and this could be whether it’s resistance to setting a big goal for the year, or just even committing to a new habit, that’s kind of like a micro goal. The thing is, there’s the resistance and wanting to be like, oh, I don’t want to do that. Goals aren’t for me, I’m not a good goal setter. But what actually comes about in the coaching is that the clients do want to set goals.
So I want you to just think about that. Even if you have the resistance to it, there’s probably part of you who sees that goal setting can be a useful tool, or that there’s part of you who wants to engage with a goal that’s going to grow you.
And with my clients where this has been coming up, they want to grow beyond their current capacity and their current level of success, whatever that means to them, of course. But they feel a lot of resistance to committing to the goal, and then therefore avoid setting a goal in the first place.
And as I’m talking about this, you might be identifying with this concept of goal aversion right away. Or maybe you’re kind of wondering, is this me? I think maybe I like goals. Do I have an aversion? Am I resisting it at all? And what I think is that most of us have this on some level.
And I also think that our level of resistance or desire to set the goal can fluctuate over time too, depending on what we’ve got going on in our personal lives, how big and scary those goals are that we want to set, and where we want to take our business and where we want to grow as an individual. And so I want to give you just some things to think about, and get a little bit more awareness and understanding of where you’re at with this, what we could call a continuum of resistance.
The first thing I want you to do is just notice how you talk about goal setting. We’ve got that internal narrative that’s always sort of playing in our head, that running ticker tape of lines that we say and think, and some of those things actually come out. So this could be things that you’re thinking, but also just what you’re relaying to others as you talk about goal setting as if it’s just the news and it’s just who you are.
And so sometimes when we’re talking about goal setting that’s framed in relation to your identity, or who you perceive yourself to be. And you might be thinking or relaying thoughts like I’m just not a big goal setter. I’m not good at setting goals. I don’t have time for that. I’m too busy. I’m probably not going to follow through, so why bother?
And the thing to note here is that when we tell ourselves something about who we perceive ourselves to be, either we’re like this or we’re not like that, we’re always going to act in accordance with that belief because our brain wants to reinforce the belief. And what ends up happening is then we just reinforce that identity.
So if we’re telling ourselves we’re not into goal setting, we can’t follow through, we’re just not good at it, we’re a bad goal setter, then our brain is going to go to work to prove that true and of course, create more evidence to reinforce that belief and then reinforce that identity for you. And so of course, if you’re believing that you’re just not a good goal setter, then of course you have resistance to setting goals. It’s in opposition of who you believe yourself to be.
So it makes a lot of sense that when we tell ourselves we’re bad at something, of course we don’t want to do it because we don’t want to fail. We don’t want to be confronted with our badness at the skill. But we forget that those beliefs are optional and they’re never that black and white or absolute in their truth.
Sometimes the resistance or aversion that comes with the goal setting process is revealed by a lack of belief that you can be successful with the goal you set. So this is less about believing that you just don’t do goals, like from an identity perspective, but more about what happens after the goal is set or you’ve declared what you want to create in the year.
So it can come up as a lot of self doubt. Like I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know where I’m going to find the time. Or you might find yourself saying, I’m focused on other things right now, kind of giving yourself an out. And a big one that I’ll hear is I don’t want to be disappointed.
It’s kind of like we’re creating this disappointment ahead of time to try and avoid the disappointment we’re trying to avoid, which is so fascinating. Again, oh, silly brain. It does silly things sometimes. And we have to be aware of that. When we’re telling ourselves I don’t want to be disappointed, that’s like a clear indicator of lack of belief because it’s like you’ve already decided you’re not going to be able to achieve the goal. Otherwise you wouldn’t be afraid of being disappointed.
And I think there’s some level of that regardless, right? Like I don’t think anyone’s ever 100% confident, oh yeah, I’m totally going to crush this goal in anything that we set out to do. I think there’s always that little bit of worry or self doubt or a little bit of that second guessing. But this is a little bit more on the other extreme of like, I’m just going to count myself out now before I even get started.
So with that in mind, I just want you to have a moment of awareness, check in with yourself and think like, am I talking about myself in terms of my identity and what I can or can’t do and that is creating some aversion or resistance to goal setting? Or is it more related to what happens after I set the goal, and that’s where there's a lack of belief in myself, in my business, in what’s possible for me? We could look at all sorts of different areas.
Like I said in the beginning, this resistance or avoidance can really present itself in a lot of different ways and in many different points during the goal setting and achievement process. It could be at the very start you just don’t set any goal at all. And that’s where the resistance starts and ends. So you keep doing and doing without pointing yourself toward an intentional aim.
It can also happen after you’ve identified the goal. And then when it’s time to get specific about what that goal is exactly to you and some of the ways that you plan to go about achieving that goal, that’s when this can really pop up. And a big part of this is that specificity is a part of commitment. Ooh, and commitment, yes, that can very much bring up the resistance and avoidance.
And that might look like you’re really excited about this big picture vision, but when you need to get clear on what that actually means to you, you jump ship because it can be a little bit scary to commit. And I think this is really related to that piece around disappointment that I was mentioning earlier.
Once we commit, the chances or the possibility of future disappointment or failure, embarrassment, whatever it is for you, is going to increase, right? Because you’ve drawn a line in the sand with that commitment. And now there’s before you set the goal and its possibility and imagination and kind of that glittery glow. And then it becomes time to go, oh, all right, this is happening.
Another part of this process could be when you need to plan to execute the pieces of the goal, such as in my 90 day planning process that I often talk about. You have some ideas of what needs to happen, but you spend time and energy stalling on making that commitment, making that decision, right? A decision is a commitment. Or you’re fluttering from idea to idea, wondering which is the best, who knows better than you, all those things. And of course, there’s a place for research. You can plan research into your 90 day plan. And at some point you’ve got to commit and make a decision.
Another time the resistance or avoidance can pop up is when you encounter an obstacle, or things, or you as an agent in this process, don’t go as planned. This is a time when self-doubt tends to spike, some anxiety, worry, your confidence can feel a little shaky. And of course, resistance is going to try and come up and take you out of that process to avoid falling flat on your face.
So what can happen is you jump ship when there’s not this linear progression, forgetting that there really is never a linear progression. Things never go exactly as planned, but we have kind of this fantasy in our head that’s how it’s going to go. And then when it doesn’t, we think something’s gone wrong.
The last example of really when this resistance and avoidance can flare that I want to share, and I think this is a really interesting one, is when you’re getting close to achieving the goal. So maybe you’ve set the goal, you’ve made your 90 day plans, you’re making progress, and you’re inching towards exactly what you want.
This is, I think, fascinating how this works sometimes. And the resistance will really creep in as the gap between where you are and where you want to be closes. Now, I don’t think this always happens, but definitely it can. I know I’ve experienced it periodically and I’ve seen it happen sometimes with my clients.
I think this is really related to the difference between wanting success, or wanting that goal, and your capacity to have or hold the success. Because when you are in the place of goal achievement and you’ve done exactly what you set out to do, there can be some shakiness and some worry around, can I sustain this? Do I deserve this? Can I keep it up? What do I do now? Just be aware of that one. I think that one is a little bit of a sneaky one and you should definitely have that on your radar.
As I’ve given you those examples, I’m hoping you can see that resistance and aversion and avoidance can really show up in a lot of different ways and at various stages of the goal setting and goal achievement process. And so chances are, you’ve probably experienced this in the past, and will experience it again in the future.
The human brain really is designed to keep you safe and conserve energy. If left to its own devices, it’s going to choose the path of least resistance and least risk. Meaning it wants to maintain the status quo. So just by being human, especially if you haven’t developed the skill of embracing discomfort that comes with stretching yourself beyond current capabilities and building the self-trust to be kind to yourself in the face of failure, you’ll likely have some degree of resistance or avoidance showing up.
If you think about it, goal setting is in opposition to the brain’s desire for safety and efficiency. And setting goals, growing yourself, feeling that sense of accomplishment and pride is also incredibly rewarding and I think worth doing the work around navigating what can come up when you set out to achieve goals.
Which I want to just remind you of why we set those goals in the first place. Why we are willing to do that work. I think it’s important to remember this. Often, it’s just like, oh, yeah, all the goal setting content starts to come out in December and January and the calendar is turning over. And so, yeah, of course, I should just set some goals as a business owner. But I think we forget why we’re actually setting goals.
The first reason is, of course, to set a clear intentional destination. As the CEO, you want to be the one who decides what growth looks like, not someone else. Not someone else you’re comparing yourself to online, not what some other person in your life thinks you should do, not what your clients think you should do. You want to be in charge of what growth looks like, and a goal is a way that you do that.
Without a goal, your business is more likely to be shaped by other people’s opinions, preferences, and agendas. And you started this business, likely, to be the one who calls the shots. So don’t miss this opportunity to create direction and focus that really aligns with your own priorities and your own values.
The other reason that we set goals is because it makes our daily, weekly, and quarterly planning so much easier. We know what to do when we have that clear destination. There are endless ways you could operate and grow your business, which is why so many of my clients I end up working with feel like they are spinning and bopping from one thing to the next.
And that goes right back to setting your own destination, knowing what you need to work on to get where you want to go. When you have that, you have a filter then for how you decide what you invest in, what projects you take on, what are the backend pieces of the business that you’re currently working on? How does that relate to the day-to-day and the weekly processes in your business? How does that relate to the life that you want to live? There is purpose to your actions with a goal.
And lastly, a huge reason that we set goals as a business owner is that it grows us as the person behind the business. And when you grow, that’s going to help you grow the business, which in turn helps you get closer to your ideal life and business vision.
I’ve talked about this ideal life and business vision way back at the start of the podcast, so you can definitely go check that out. I think it’s one of the first three episodes, we’ll have to link it. And then also I have a free journal that I’ve created for you too, where I prompt you with a lot of questions to help you get clear on what it is that you want personally and professionally. You can download that at desiid.com/vision.
What I always say is that when you grow, or when you thrive, the business is going to grow and the business is going to thrive. And that’s because goals require you to step outside your comfort zone. It requires you to become version 2.0, 3.0, 4.0. And on the other side of that evolution, there is great reward in who you become in the process, your level of confidence that grows, the people that you engage with, the skills you develop.
If you take a minute to just even think about who you were when you started your interior design business and who you have become in growing it, it’s pretty amazing. And so that’s why we want to continue to set goals, it’s because of who we become in the process.
Setting a clear goal is also how you decide what level of stretch you need for that year to expand your capacity. And whether that’s growing your confidence, your skill set, or leadership skills, you get to decide what that level of expansion is for the year.
And of course, let me remind you that the greatest expansion is not necessarily better than the lesser amount of expansion. It’s up to you. There’s years where we want to push ourselves more. And there’s years where we want to maybe have a quieter year or refine things and settle into that last push that we had.
The beauty of all of this is that when you grow, because of the goals you set, that new version of you goes everywhere with you. It travels to the future as a more capable version of you that sets a new goal for next year. And it just continues to compound.
While the brain’s primary concern really is to keep you safe, there’s also part of you that wants to evolve and become the best version of yourself and reach your potential. And that’s rewarding and that is a great reason to navigate this aversion or resistance to goal setting.
What I really want you to take away from what I just shared is that goals are meant to serve and support you, not something that you need to hide from. Because when you’re hiding from goals, you’re hiding from creating that profitable, fulfilling next-level version of your interior design business.
And now you might be thinking, okay, so now what? I’m thinking maybe I am the type of person who sets goals, I’m willing to stretch myself, or maybe not even totally willing, but I’m willing to get support to help stretch myself. You can see why setting goals is valuable and you can identify where you’re getting in your own way.
Okay, so now where do you go from here is the question. And the first thing is to simply remind yourself that your brain thinks it’s being helpful by sidestepping goals. It perceives sameness with safety. You can know though now, as the CEO of the business, listening to this episode, that the bigger, better version of your business requires stepping into the unknown. There’s no need to blame or judge yourself if you’ve been avoiding your goals in some way. You know some new things now, and you’re going to choose differently.
Now, with all of that in mind, I have a very important question you have to ask yourself. And that is what am I really resisting or avoiding? Because it’s not the goal that you’re avoiding. Goals are just writing down numbers, actions, and outcomes on paper or in your Google document. What you’re really avoiding is what comes up for you internally from an emotional perspective when you set the goal. That’s what you’re pushing away, the emotions.
The goal, the circumstance that you give yourself just stirs the pot. It brings up what needs to be worked on. So what are you really trying to escape when you’re escaping defining your growth for next year? Sometimes this is something you think you have to give up in order to achieve the goal. And if that one resonates, definitely check out episode 78 where I talk about dual desires.
Our brains are naturally going to be focused on what we have to give up more so than being focused on the potential upsides. So this is something you’re going to have to redirect yourself around. And of course, this is something as a coach that I really help my clients with a lot.
You might also just want to escape the discomfort of a feeling in the body. The tight chest, the racing heart, maybe sweaty palms, feeling a little tightness around the throat. We don’t like feeling those sensations in our body. Even though they’re not harmful, they can be unpleasant. It’s actually a skill that you can develop to be with those uncomfortable feelings without letting them be the director of your decision-making and basically take over what you do or don’t do.
Often when we’re reaching for something bigger and better than we’ve done before, we’re afraid of what could go wrong and what that worst case scenario is. But often, the worst case scenario is being right where you are, which is probably not that bad, and then having some uncomfortable feelings. Whether that’s the shame, embarrassment, disappointment, you name it, all those ones we would rather avoid.
But the trade is, if we’re willing to have those feelings, if that’s on the table as something we are open to experiencing, even if we would prefer not to, the trade is getting what you want.
What you’re trying to escape could also be fear of what happens when you do achieve the goal. I mentioned this a little bit before around not being able to sustain the success or don’t want to be at the beginning of a new goal where you’re asking yourself to rise to the occasion yet again.
The other thing that you might actually be avoiding is how you think you have to approach the goal or the pace at which you “have to” take action. So we often avoid the goal because we’re believing we’ll have to do things that are out of alignment with how we want to run our business or how we want to live our lives. Or you’re believing that you have to race towards your goal, neglecting yourself or your family.
Often this can sound like, well, I don’t want to feel pressured. We often forget we’re the ones that set the destination, decide what we do, and the pace at which we do it. This is a good reminder that goals are here to serve you, not run you into the ground. Of course, there’s going to be challenges. There’s going to be times when you feel like, oh, I’m pushing so hard and this isn’t working or, oh, I’m so uncomfortable.
And we can use those moments to see what we’re capable of and to grow as the leader of our future with, of course, periods of rest and recovery built in there because we don’t necessarily have to always be pushing ourselves to the absolute limit. And then completely flop over and exhaust ourselves on the other side of that. We can have those periods where we feel like, yes, we’re really stretching, and now we’re going to enjoy the success we’ve created. We’re going to settle into that expansion.
What I’m hoping is that through those examples, you can help yourself really understand why you might be resisting or avoiding goal setting or doing the actual work that’s required to hit that goal for you specifically, because that’s actually what you need to solve for. And that’s where coaching is so, so valuable, is because we’re looking at what’s going on for you inside your brain.
What are the ways you’re limiting yourself and your potential or telling yourself stories that no longer serve you or never served you. We have to address the you in the equation because you can have all the technicalities of how to set a smart goal or whatever method you want, and absolutely I teach how to plan, how to goal set, how to calendar, all those things.
They are important skills to have, but if you don’t address and solve for the underlying resistance, the piece of what is it that I’m afraid of, that I’m worried I’m going to have to give up, the places where I don’t feel confident in myself, you’re going to be fighting yourself the whole way, trying to implement that goal setting process.
You can make the path much easier and also gain more benefit in who you become along the way through combining the strategy with the mindset and the emotional resilience.
And that’s where those three things come together with my Design To Thrive coaching process, is creating that holistic experience and level of support for my clients so that they’re not trying to be overly strong-armed in one way and negating what could be gained from one thing or actually having that too extreme of focus on just one of those pieces, right? We can’t have total mindset and no strategy. We can’t have, we’re going to sit and feel our feelings all day and never think about our strategy, right? We have to have all three to create success.
And once you acknowledge what’s going on under the surface and pulling those tools from what I was just describing, you can see that our behaviors always make sense. And then we can work with that sense that we’ve just made. And with this compassionate understanding of yourself, the resistance really just naturally starts to drop.
You’re going to be more open to goal setting and planning for your future. And then that intentional direction you give yourself in the business is going to naturally lead to more growth, whatever that means to you. And you’ll be expending less energy as you pursue your goals and enjoying the process so much more.
You’re also going to give yourself the opportunity to experience the pride of evolving yourself as the business owner and showing yourself what you’re really capable of. And of course, that version of you that has grown through goals gets to go with you everywhere you go, in every area of your life. In how you show up as a partner or a parent, or as a member of your community, wherever it is, everyone benefits. You benefit and the people you interact with benefit because you will have changed through this process.
So if you’re someone who resists goal setting in any way, ask yourself today, what am I really avoiding or resisting and see what comes up and see what shifts. I want to remind you that you can get my support with both the strategy and internal work required to reach your 2025 goals.
The first is through Design To Thrive coaching partnerships, and that’s where we work together one-on-one for four months. And it is a fully customized experience. If you’re interested in working together in this really high touch capacity, you can go to DesiCreswell.com/coaching and get all of the details on that.
You can also work with me in Create Your 2025 Roadmap where we are going to be creating your vision for the year and mapping out your plan. And of course, coaching on any resistance or other discomfort that comes up.
That workshop is a two-part interactive series. We’re going to meet January 9th and January 16th to both do planning and coaching. And you can find all the details for that by going to DesiCreswell.com/resources and you’ll find the workshop linked under that page.
I know this was a little bit of a longer one, but I trust that it gave you exactly what you needed. And of course, I would love to help you navigate this process as your coach. It is one thing to hear the concepts and go, yeah, that makes sense. And it’s a whole nother level to really embody the concepts and integrate them into your daily practices and how you’re showing up in your business.
I will be back next week with a brand new episode. And until then, I’m wishing you a beautiful week.
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114. Empowering Beliefs and Powerful Questions to Reach Your 2025 Goals
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